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Losing someone we love is one of the hardest experiences to go through in life. Undergoing a loss so deep can have a major impact on a person, both mentally and physically. Unfortunately, the grief process associated with death is often viewed as being in a state of sadness and tears, and once that phase ends, so too does the grief. It is important to recognize that individual responses to grief can last a long time and look different for each person. Layer that on top of the fact that many people will be experiencing this grief all while trying to be present at work and perform their job duties. Given the impact on employees, might it be time to reevaluate your bereavement leave policy to reflect the reality of grieving?

Determining the Amount of Time Off

When updating a bereavement leave policy, you should first look at the amount of time being offered. According to Employers Council's 2020 Paid Time Off Survey, although approximately 92% of employers surveyed offer bereavement leave, the average number of days provided is four. The number of days provided is also potentially reduced, depending on if the individual was considered an immediate family member or not. Employers need to recognize, first and foremost, that employees' needs should be prioritized during this difficult time, and limiting bereavement leave to a small number of days just doesn't take into consideration the reality of the grieving process. It sends the message that the company is only compassionate for a limited number of days, and after that, employees should be back to work and as productive as they were before their loss, which is not realistic.

Knowing that the grief process is messy, unpredictable, and takes time, it might be a good idea to lengthen the time off provided. Some experts recommend a minimum of two weeks and ideally up to four weeks and strongly recommend that the leave be non-consecutive. This allows time for the responsibilities that one might oversee following a death, including planning for a funeral that might not take place for weeks and obtaining a death certificate when the appointment is several weeks out. It also recognizes that grief is not linear and often comes in waves, allowing for days off when necessary. For example, an upcoming birthday or anniversary may be hard for an employee, and having a policy where employees can choose the days off to take under the bereavement policy, even if it is weeks or months out, sends a message that the company is there to support the employee along their difficult journey. Employers may even consider not placing any cap on the amount of time provided to employees. Instead, trust in the employee's judgment to determine how much time they need to grieve, knowing that each person is different and that some will need more time and others may need less.  

For Whom the Leave Can be Used

The next thing to look at in a policy is who the bereavement can be used for. It is common for current policies to define both immediate and non-immediate family. Experts agree that it is not the place of the employer to define who was important in the employee's life and who was not by defining for whom the leave is allowed. For example, a best friend from college may have been more important than a blood relative that has been defined as immediate family, whereas the best friend has not. It sends the message that employees should only mourn certain individuals, and if a person is not on the list, the employer will not support the employee's need for mourning. In addition, if an individual is not listed as immediate family, it is common for there to be even less time to take for grieving, if anytime at all, forcing employees to use vacation, PTO, or time off without pay. Yet we all know that time off to mourn someone close to us is not a vacation.

Employers may also consider expanding bereavement leave for employees who experience a miscarriage or whose spouse or partner experiences a miscarriage, knowing the emotional and physical impacts of such a loss are not limited to pregnant women. It may also be a good idea to allow them time to mourn when a beloved pet is lost, as many times, the grief of losing a pet can feel similar to that of losing a family member.

DEI Considerations

Employers will also need to consider how a bereavement policy may impact their DEI initiatives. For example, placing limits on the amount of time or for whom the employee can take bereavement leave may not support different cultures and beliefs represented in your organization. Certain religious and cultural rituals require an individual to take time off to mourn a loved one. For example, the Jewish tradition of observing or sitting shiva begins immediately after the burial and lasts for seven days. Does your policy allow this time without forcing an employee to use vacation time? It is also a western approach to define immediate as only the nuclear family. This can be very isolating for individuals with a much broader meaning to family based on their culture.

A Supportive Company Culture

When updating a policy, look to your company culture and how you can create a supportive environment for employees. For example, make sure that the time employees take for mourning is honored, and they are not being bothered by emails, texts, and voicemails and expected to respond. Look at how you can make the transition back to the workplace as seamless as possible. For some, that might include delegating responsibilities to colleagues during their time off so they do not come back to an unbearable amount of work. It could also mean allowing employees to come back part-time for a period of time. In addition, see if your EAP covers grief session counseling. If not, maybe the company can provide support by covering the cost for some sessions.  

Fear of Abuse

Talking about extending bereavement leave policies would not be complete without discussing the question that comes up repeatedly. "What if an employee takes advantage of the new policy?" While there may be an employee or two that try to take advantage of the flexibility granted by the employer, thinking that the majority of employees will be dishonest is toxic. Treating employees with respect and fostering a sense of trust will always go further in allowing them to be who they are in the workplace and will ultimately reduce the number of employees who will take advantage. As with any policy, do not create a policy that addresses the non-compliers; create a beneficial policy and then deal with the non-compliers individually.   

Shifting company perspective regarding how bereavement leave is handled is long overdue. Remember that if you want to attract and retain top talent, it is best to lead with compassion. Employees will not forget how their employer treated them when they went through this difficult time. What do you want them to remember?